On bullying, choose to be part of the solution

Every photo I’ve run across researching Mallory Grossman shows a happy 12 year old girl with bright, sparkling eyes and a spacious grin. Some display a retainer crossing her front teeth while others are filled with family, acting silly like any preteen girl, and even proudly posing in her junior high cheerleading outfit. You would imagine by looking at this girl that she was the embodiment of happiness, certainly not a child willing to take her own life – but after being bullied mercilessly by a handful of classmates, that’s exactly what she did.

In October 2016, according to her mother, several girls at Copeland Middle School began sending the sixth grader mean texts and posts on social media, gave her dirty looks, and humiliated and excluded her from school activities. In some messages they called her “a loser,” said she had no friends, and suggested that she kill herself.

A few months later the bullying was escalating and the parents exhaustively complained to her school, unsuccessfully. Her grades were slipping and they even considered moving her into a private school.

Then, on June 14, 2017, she killed herself. Her family lost every shred of hope for her future. No more silly photos. No more laughing and teaching her siblings to ride bikes or read stories. They would never see her eyes, smell her hair, or hold her tight while she cried. Ever. Again. Her mothers only hope was that she would never forget the sound of her daughter’s laughter in her head.

Shortly thereafter the parents filed a lawsuit against the school and six years later were awarded $9.1 million dollars.

In an unrelated article written by Megan Quinn on YourTango, you catch a glimpse at the other side of humanity.

“In September 2022, the senior class president of Lacey Township High School, Jimmy Tomredle, learned that some of his classmates were skipping school since they had no clean clothes to wear and were concerned about being bullied….the 18-year-old delved into some research and came across the story of West Side High School Principal, Akbar Cook, who installed five pairs of washers and dryers in the football team’s locker room so that students could do their laundry for free,” the article said.

Tomredle reached out to local appliance stores where he was awarded sets of donated washers and dryers for use and “Tomredle’s Terrifically Tidy Laundry Services” was born. There was even a ribbon cutting and he donated some detergent to the cause himself.

“Tomredle’s actions have more of an impact on students than he may ever know. According to West Side High School Principal Akbar Cook, 85% of the student body at his school were missing three to five days of school a month since they did not have any clean clothes to wear,” the article stated.

I guess the point is that you can be part of the problem, or part of the solution. One leads to tragedy and the other to inspiration. Don’t be mistaken, neither story is uncommon or unthinkable, these things happen every day, but ultimately you have to choose a side.

Mallory made jewelry and sold it to raise money for Camp Good Days, a summer camp for children with cancer and children who have lost someone to cancer. She was hardly “a loser,” very much on the contrary, she was someone that we should all aspire to be like. I believe that to be the important takeaway – just because people say, or think, something doesn’t make it true.

I was bullied pretty badly as a kid, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve probably even been the bully a time or two. But always, above everything else, I’ve tried to advocate for people that were less fortunate than myself or struggling in some way. I’m not trying to sound like a martyr, but honestly, I get a great sense of pride thinking back on those memories. The times where I stood with the underdog or went against the grain because it was the right thing to do. Both scenarios build character, you just need to decide what type of person you (or your kids) are going to be – the good guy or the bad guy. 

Spoiler alert, it’s more fun being the good guy.