Community rallies around couple contending with cancer

Tongate benefit set for Feb. 24 at Elks

Sheri Tongate has one of those beautiful souls. She embodies the type of kindness and compassion that permeates into everything around her.

This reporter was standing in line at a grocery store a few months ago and didn’t have my wallet. I heard a voice behind me, Sheri, a woman I’d never formally met say “I’ve got it” as she reached into her purse to offer the payment. That’s the kind of generous person she is – making the recent cancer diagnosis of her husband that much more heartbreaking.

Last month, John Tongate was standing in his kitchen when Sheri noticed his skin turning a concerning shade of yellow. It just didn’t look right. And after her daughter confirmed the anomaly, she rushed him into the ER where he was life-flighted to Kalispell shortly thereafter. It was there that John was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

“Please bear with me a little bit,” Sheri spoke through tears. “I’m havin’ kind of a tough day today.”

John had just gone through surgery the previous day and it took every ounce of strength for Sheri to express the ordeal. But despite the turmoil, they are both managing to stay positive.

“He has such a good attitude, and they say that’s what’s going to help him beat this,” she said via a telephone interview from his hospital room.

In the future, John is looking at six months of chemotherapy and an extensive surgery called the whipple where they will remove half of his pancreas. 

“He’s my best friend. I’ve been so very blessed, you know, to find your soulmate like that. We’ve been together over thirty years and he’s still my very best friend. He makes me laugh every single day. He’s got a really wonderful, positive attitude. He said 'I’m not going anywhere, I’m going to beat this.' And it’s for his family. His biggest fear is to work so hard for as long as he had and lose everything, because he’s my provider,” she said.

Sheri has worked at CVS for many years. She is often seen talking to customers and listening with a compassionate ear. However, during this process, she has felt the support come back to her in spades.

“And the community of Anaconda – I am not a receiver, I’m a giver, so I’m struggling really hard. The gratitude that I feel, and the love, from that community … I can’t even put it into words. Just the love and the prayers and the support they’ve given me have got me this far. But I’m struggling with that because I’m not a receiver,” Sheri said, continuing through tears. “I know all my customers and when they need a hug I give them a hug. Just some good words, a prayer. You never know what someone’s going through in their lives, so I always put people first, I always have.” 

John isn’t only her husband and best friend, he also provides a substantial financial contribution to the family as well.

“I don’t make much at CVS. That paycheck doesn’t cover my bills, you know, but it’s just stuff. That’s what I told him, it’s just stuff. So, all of this has helped so much at least to relieve some of that pressure that he has of not supporting his family through this. So, I can’t tell people how grateful I am,” she said.

Two of Sheri’s coworkers are having a benefit dinner fundraiser on Saturday, Feb. 24, at the Elks, 223 Main St., from 3-7 p.m. Cost is $6 a person or $20 for a family of four. There will be a raffle for prizes.

“How do I tell everybody thank you?” Sheri said, choking back emotion. “That’s not enough. The businesses, the people, my coworkers have been my family through this. They have. My kids and my family have got me through this so far. My heart is so full. It’s so full of love for everybody – and how do you tell them that?”

Her daughter Mindy said, “Mom, that’s what you had four kids for.” 

She laughed, then quickly turned serious. “And I don’t want to put that burden on my children. But I know I have to accept the help. You know, she paid for my hotel up here [in Kalispell] the whole time. I just hate taking away from my kids.”

Her youngest daughter Kaley started a GoFundMe and the Facebook post for it reads: “My father has always been a hard working, independent, blue collar man. The kind of man to never ask for help when he needs it, but always the first man to give his shirt off his back for someone in need. He is a loving husband, a dependable friend, an incredible father to four awesome children and an even better Papa to 10+ grandchildren.” 

John’s family and friends remain optimistic during this challenging time, but his biggest cheerleader is his love of over 30 years – and she’s not going anywhere.

She said, “He is my very best friend and that is special. And not everybody gets to have that. I know how blessed I really am. He is that person and he loves his family, and his kids and his grandkids so much. That man would walk across fire for us and we all know that. So he’s having a hard time too so that’s what we’ve had to tell him, you carried us all these years, it’s your turn. It’s our turn to carry you now.”

If you’re unable to attend the fundraiser but would like to donate, visit: gofundme.com/f/john-tongate-with-medical-expenses. Or drop off a donation to Jamie or Monika at CVS, 1300 E. Park Ave. in Anaconda. Funds will be utilized to offset lost wages, doctors appointments, chemotherapy, surgery, unexpected medical expenses, travel expenses, and more.